What I really want to say to a “friend” 

What the fuck have I done to you? 

What the fuck have I done to deserve this? To deserve how you treat me? 

I know I told you to put yourself first and make sure you are well but that should never be at the expense of someone else’s emotions. Should never cause someone pain. 

Because all I want is to not lie in bed crying. All I want is to have a good time with my friends and forget all the shit I’m going through right now. 

And you know what I’m going through. 

Yet you still treat me like a piece of dirt on the ground. 

I came back after losing my Nan and I didn’t even get a hug from you. Didn’t even get a “are you okay I’m here if you need me” from you. 

I am finally looking forward to having a good time, a good night, and you ruin that for me. You decided that I did not matter to you. That you did not care enough to spend some time with me. For once in your life. 

You’d rather sit there texting the “love of your life” whom you’ve met for 3 bloody minutes than talk to me. 

All I have ever done is make sure that you were OK. I would go out of my way for you. Do anything for you. I always have. 

But that is not returned. 

I’m not asking you to just start caring, because you clearly don’t. 

All I’m asking is that you have a bit of empathy, a bit of compassion. To not ignore my messages even though you are clearly currently messaging someone else. 

To not compare our “crazy”. 

To not define yourself as “mental” when you clearly know what I am going through. Yet still telling me you’re “fine” when you aren’t. We both know that. But you don’t say. You never say. 

Why don’t you confide in me anymore. 

Why don’t you trust me. 

Care about me. 

How can I get myself better when I get the opposite of support from you. I get you making me feel worse. Putting me down. Treating me like shit. 

I may be just paranoid and it may just be my illness. But the lack of support is all you. The lack of care is all you. The reason for me feeling put down and unimportant is all you. 

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