It’s happened

It has finally happened.

The referral, that we’ve all been waiting for, to a psychiatrist.

I guess it proves that perseverance really does pay off; I was told that my moods seem to be more even and not as erratic, but I know myself and I know that I’m not right. I guess that’s the thing with these kinds of illnesses that nobody can really understand unless they have experienced them – there are totally periods of absolute normality. Anyone suffering from bipolar will tell you that; you can be completely normal at any one time and think “oh, maybe it was just a phase of instability”. We all know that is complete crap, the mood swings of erratic nature will come peering around the corner when you finally think you’ve gotten rid of them.

It is true that my recently started dose of venlafaxine is doing the trick with my low moods – I would even go as far as saying that I don’t really suffer from depression anymore – but it has done absolutely nothing for the high moods. My bank account would be the first one to tell you that. After quitting my job (it was just too stressful) and booking a hotel room for a friends wedding I’m attending in December (goodbye one hundred quid) I convinced myself I would be money savvy – save and not spend. Do you think that was a success? You are 100% right, it definitely was not!! I made the mistake of going in to sport’s direct to pick up a few things for yoga (I am starting this up again to try to relieve my stress, agitation, anger, irritability, and just about any other symptom you can name, before embarking on the right treatment) and, lo and behold, 60 quid later I’m walking out of there with a whole bunch of stuff I know I did not need. But I can’t stop!!! Thank God I transferred some money into my savings account, I am going to need to work extra hard in order to prevent myself from getting into debt (again).

So I need to carry on with my various diaries – mood, sleep, anger, food, and just about any other information you can provide a doctor, because I don’t want to miss anything out. I want help. I need help. I need support.

And I will get it.

I’m almost there. Just God forbid if they tell me nothings wrong. I hope that doesn’t happen, or that might just tip me over the edge. And I don’t want to think of what will happen at that point!

Well, that’s my evening’s procrastination done.

Now to go and cook a Bolognese (see, I can be a functional adult!!!)

Til’ next time,

Nat xo


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